Okay, I get dog jackets – if you’ve got a dog that feels the cold, there’s a certain practicality in them. And while my dad might roll his eyes, a pair of Dog-e-Style Bitches Britches comes in really handy when the she-wolf is indoors and on heat for, let’s face it, what can be a bit of a messy business.
What I don’t get (much to my dogs’ relief, I’m sure) is why there is any reason at all to put your dog in a frilly dress. How do I know such things even exist? While hunting for a pair of the aforementioned Bitches Britches a while ago, I entered the term dog apparel into TradeMe. The results gave me quite a scare. Who even knew dog dresses existed? And what on earth is their purpose?
I very much doubt I’m ever going to see a dog throwing a tantrum because they don’t have the latest summer frock. If I did, once I’d picked myself up from the floor where I’d fallen in shock, I’d still be struggling to comprehend two things – firstly, that the dog in question is more eloquent than Mr Ed, which could possible be part of why, secondly, the dog has more issues than a newspaper.
It’s not just any old dresses you can buy for Poopsie and Schnookums though - you can even buy your dog a WEDDING DRESS! Now that just opens up a whole new can of dog tucker for dissection but back to the original topic of clothing … why would anyone put their dog in a fancy dress bumble bee costume, or parade her round in a little ladybird suit? Aside from the health issues of overheating and hygiene, dogs come pre-packaged with their own gorgeous coats; when did the good old dog hair they’re born with become so uncool?


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    A word from the Alpha Bitch

    Okay, I admit it – while I might scoff at dog owners who treat their Poopsies or Schnookums like babies, my dogs also think my name is Mum. I’d like to believe, however, that my dogs also know me as The Alpha Bitch, more commonly known in canine as “the bitch who must be obeyed, dogdammit!” - The AB


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